A thought -provoking essay Harun - this piece had me thinking, at what scale am I being vulnerable and with who ?
Being open about your feelings can make friendships stronger and help people understand you better. But it's not always easy. Sometimes, people might not react well or could use what you share against you. It is important to be careful about who you open up to and how much you share.
We must definitely be picky with who are vulnerable with. Not everyone deserves to know us deeply but we can’t let there be no one who knows us deeply.
Glad the essay made you reflect and I appreciate your kind words.
I wonder how much of the difficulty here is rooted in what is basically 'bad branding'...
When you do things that result in this state of 'more vulnerable than before', it's not limited to just that facet of yourself. Sometimes it can be painful, or otherwise negative, but I think most of the side-effects are much more positive, but by framing it so often as being vulnerable, it highlights the very real dangers, magnifies fear, and all but ignores the upsides not directly involved with whatever you're trying to be more vulnerable for.
I can see where you’re coming from. I think you might think that because of how the word vulnerable is viewed generally and the “bad branding” around it.
To be vulnerable with others is often seen as to be weak. Vulnerability in personal relationships, at least to me, is to be open about your true feelings, worries and other personal experiences. The word vulnerable does a good job of explaining this state as it does entail some risk and dropping of your guard.
That's part of it, but even if you take the 'weak' factor out, you're still in a state of vulnerability, in a world that is often not kind. This is not a state many people can go through their life in, and so focusing on that one aspect makes a basic cost/benefit gut check seem that much worse.
Correct if I’m wrong but this quote “It's about not scaring people away by making the vulnerability aspect the headline when it's presented to others that would benefit from giving it a go” suggests that vulnerability should be tamed in some sense. This is what I disagree with.
We definitely shouldn’t focus only on the risk of vulnerability. But the point I was making in the post was that you have to take that risk. You have to show someone that you’re willing to take off the mask that you show most people and be open with them about your feelings and experiences, both good and bad, including the days where you are in a weak state.
It’s a scary but necessary proposition if we want to build fulfilling relationships.
No, see, you're looking at it from the wrong side. It's not about what *you* focus on, but rather the reaction of your target audience.
You could, for instance, focus on something like 'clearing out psychological baggage', which is a necessary component of achieving that vulnerability, but doesn't have a fraction of the baggage. This puts vulnerability in a group along with positive side effects.
I’m not sure I quite understand your point. How I view vulnerability is somewhat detached from the reaction of others. The person you choose to be vulnerable with might not react the way you expected but that’s a risk that comes with vulnerability. It is not always constructive or positive. It can’t be.
Vulnerability, at least how I see it in the context of relationships, is to allow yourself to be in a relatively weak and compromising state to build a closer relationship with someone. I think trying to reframe it to be positive and measured goes against the whole meaning of being vulnerable. When you are always in control, you are not in a vulnerable state.
I'm not saying anything about how you personally think about it. It's about not scaring people away by making the vulnerability aspect the headline when it's presented to others that would benefit from giving it a go.
Great insights, Harun. Reading your essay made me think about the relationship between authenticity and vulnerability. Authenticity is a core value of mine, and it led me to ponder: is it possible to be truly authentic without also being vulnerable?
That’s a great question. I think in many instances, you can be authentic without being vulnerable. But when it comes to those closest to you, you must be vulnerable to be fully authentic.
Definitely. I don’t advocate being vulnerable with everyone. The world can be a cruel place so it’s best to protect yourself. However, I think you need a few people in your life who you are vulnerable with. Otherwise, you become emotionally stunted.
yes, totally agree. Working on my vulnerability and authentic connections with others led me to more chance encounters with people who became such gifts in my life.
I learned a lot from reading this essay! It taught me that being vulnerable is super important for building real friendships. Even though it can be scary to share your true feelings and thoughts with someone, it’s the only way to create strong connections. I used to think that if I opened up, people wouldn’t understand me, but now I know that no one can ever fully understand another person because we’re all unique. ❤️
Vulnerability is not a weakness it’s strength. I wrote a note about this yesterday and today and having write about this today is great.
Great insights
Couldn't agree more! Glad you resonated with it.
Yup. I agree.
Law 47 from 48 laws of power by Robert Greene - Never appear too perfect.
Often takes some sort of strength to accomplish, but isn't it more about clarity?
Yes its about clarity with wisdom.
Don’t appear to have mastered the universe. Cause no-one did and no-one will.
Except He-Man, of course.
A thought -provoking essay Harun - this piece had me thinking, at what scale am I being vulnerable and with who ?
Being open about your feelings can make friendships stronger and help people understand you better. But it's not always easy. Sometimes, people might not react well or could use what you share against you. It is important to be careful about who you open up to and how much you share.
Thanks for sharing mate.
We must definitely be picky with who are vulnerable with. Not everyone deserves to know us deeply but we can’t let there be no one who knows us deeply.
Glad the essay made you reflect and I appreciate your kind words.
Great points! How does one initiate vulnerability, Tinashe?
Without vulnerability, we will always be stuck at the surface level of what could have been deep.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece with us this week.
Succinctly and aptly put.
Thank you for your kind words, Odinakachi!
When we are open with one another we vanquish the vacuum where unrequited love goes to die.
Beautifully put, Elliot.
I wonder how much of the difficulty here is rooted in what is basically 'bad branding'...
When you do things that result in this state of 'more vulnerable than before', it's not limited to just that facet of yourself. Sometimes it can be painful, or otherwise negative, but I think most of the side-effects are much more positive, but by framing it so often as being vulnerable, it highlights the very real dangers, magnifies fear, and all but ignores the upsides not directly involved with whatever you're trying to be more vulnerable for.
I can see where you’re coming from. I think you might think that because of how the word vulnerable is viewed generally and the “bad branding” around it.
To be vulnerable with others is often seen as to be weak. Vulnerability in personal relationships, at least to me, is to be open about your true feelings, worries and other personal experiences. The word vulnerable does a good job of explaining this state as it does entail some risk and dropping of your guard.
That's part of it, but even if you take the 'weak' factor out, you're still in a state of vulnerability, in a world that is often not kind. This is not a state many people can go through their life in, and so focusing on that one aspect makes a basic cost/benefit gut check seem that much worse.
Correct if I’m wrong but this quote “It's about not scaring people away by making the vulnerability aspect the headline when it's presented to others that would benefit from giving it a go” suggests that vulnerability should be tamed in some sense. This is what I disagree with.
We definitely shouldn’t focus only on the risk of vulnerability. But the point I was making in the post was that you have to take that risk. You have to show someone that you’re willing to take off the mask that you show most people and be open with them about your feelings and experiences, both good and bad, including the days where you are in a weak state.
It’s a scary but necessary proposition if we want to build fulfilling relationships.
No, see, you're looking at it from the wrong side. It's not about what *you* focus on, but rather the reaction of your target audience.
You could, for instance, focus on something like 'clearing out psychological baggage', which is a necessary component of achieving that vulnerability, but doesn't have a fraction of the baggage. This puts vulnerability in a group along with positive side effects.
I’m not sure I quite understand your point. How I view vulnerability is somewhat detached from the reaction of others. The person you choose to be vulnerable with might not react the way you expected but that’s a risk that comes with vulnerability. It is not always constructive or positive. It can’t be.
Vulnerability, at least how I see it in the context of relationships, is to allow yourself to be in a relatively weak and compromising state to build a closer relationship with someone. I think trying to reframe it to be positive and measured goes against the whole meaning of being vulnerable. When you are always in control, you are not in a vulnerable state.
I'm not saying anything about how you personally think about it. It's about not scaring people away by making the vulnerability aspect the headline when it's presented to others that would benefit from giving it a go.
I agree, Harun. Being real is the only option, if you want to lead an authentic life.
Glad you resonated with the post, Diana!
Great insights, Harun. Reading your essay made me think about the relationship between authenticity and vulnerability. Authenticity is a core value of mine, and it led me to ponder: is it possible to be truly authentic without also being vulnerable?
That’s a great question. I think in many instances, you can be authentic without being vulnerable. But when it comes to those closest to you, you must be vulnerable to be fully authentic.
Agreed!
Do you find there is a difference between being vulnerable with everyone as opposed to selected individuals you trust?
Definitely. I don’t advocate being vulnerable with everyone. The world can be a cruel place so it’s best to protect yourself. However, I think you need a few people in your life who you are vulnerable with. Otherwise, you become emotionally stunted.
If you're the first to step into vulnerability in a conversation, you'll be amazed with some of the responses you get in kind.
Absolutely. Sometimes people are waiting for someone to show them it’s alright to be vulnerable with others.
"This was until I realised that no one will ever fully know another person." Honestly such powerful stuff
Thank you, Ava! Glad you found it useful.
Really needed to see this, I am working on this day by day.
Happy to hear you found this helpful! I wish you all the best in your journey to be more vulnerable.
yes, totally agree. Working on my vulnerability and authentic connections with others led me to more chance encounters with people who became such gifts in my life.
Glad to hear that! Vulnerability is truly the only way to build close relationships.
Love this! Being vulnerable allows me show up authentically in life and to find safe spaces to share certain information about myself.
It’s much easier walking around being your true self rather than putting on a facade all the time.
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
I learned a lot from reading this essay! It taught me that being vulnerable is super important for building real friendships. Even though it can be scary to share your true feelings and thoughts with someone, it’s the only way to create strong connections. I used to think that if I opened up, people wouldn’t understand me, but now I know that no one can ever fully understand another person because we’re all unique. ❤️
Being vulnerable with someone takes a lot of guts but the rewards are limitless.
Super glad that you enjoyed the post, Mohika. I appreciate your support.
Yes. Thank you
You’re welcome!