The Curse of The Ego
The ego is one of the curses of free will that man has to deal with.
Many of our decisions are influenced by ego.
The car we drive, the clothes we buy, the job we choose, and how we describe ourselves to others.
We feed our ego at almost every instance we get. It is a core fibre of our being. It gives us a sense of dignity and a sense of superiority over some people. “I can’t believe he did that, that could never be me.” We thrive off this sense of superiority we get from our egos.
Most of us subdue our egos when we are in public. We are afraid of being called arrogant or cocky so we tuck it away. Keeping it for the moment when we have the right opportunity to unleash it, to demonstrate just how much better we are than everyone else.
When the right conversation presents itself, we express that unique view that we hold that sets us apart from others. We stare at the person in the tattered clothes or the person with the unfashionable taste in shoes. That could never be us.
You refuse to ask your partner to do something because you don’t want to come across as needy. Or you don’t want to risk your ego getting bruised if they do not respond in the way that you expect. You may consider asking for financial help beneath you, no matter how bad your situation is. Your ego can not handle the vulnerability you would have to display to another person when asking for that kind of assistance.
The ego is one of the curses of free will that man has to deal with. The fact that we can think freely and do what we want makes us arrogant. It gives us a false sense of importance and independence that a repressed being does not have to deal with.
The most obvious downside of an inflated ego is that you come across as arrogant. Some people can deal with that, they only value their opinion and that of others is an afterthought. While I have endorsed this way of thinking for certain situations in life, the drawbacks of an overfed ego go beyond merely discomforting others.
Your ability to improve yourself dwindles massively when you indulge the beast that is your ego. The ability to spot your shortcomings and work on them dissipates into thin air. It becomes harder to view your actions objectively, a task that is already near impossible due to our innate bias towards ourselves.
You become a hindrance to yourself when your ego goes unchecked. You don’t hear the hurtful things that you say to your partner. Nor do you see any sort of feedback as anything but someone out to get you.
Ego also robs you of the option of collaboration. No matter your level of introversion, collaborating with others is non-negotiable to live a somewhat decent life. From a group project at school to working with others at your job, the amalgamation of humans towards achieving a shared goal is unavoidable. An over-elevated sense of self hinders your potential to collaborate effectively. This limits your overall potential to live a fulfilling life.
The mental toll of an existence heavily influenced by your ego can hardly be overstated. You are likely to encounter constant friction in your life when your ego dictates your decisions. This will lead to a strain on your mental health that leads to an unsatisfying existence. Isolation and loneliness will be more likely as you are unable to have fulfilling relationships with a massive ego. People will learn to avoid you or avoid speaking with you about certain topics.
Your ability to learn is also massively hampered by a large ego. You can not give too much credence to your own thoughts and treat them as gospel. This is something I am dealing with.
When I first read Emerson’s Self Reliance, I found it very empowering and enlightening. The idea that we should not dismiss an idea simply because it came from us or we risk damning ourselves to a life of inferiority was mindblowing. You mean I can disagree with the people I was taught about in school and who are held as infallible idols of worship by millions of people? Little old me?
Yet I could not help but feel unease at the brazen level of confidence in Emerson's words. I admired the idea of giving the same amount of credence to my thoughts as I give to history’s great figures but it was easy to see how a person could use the essay to support egomania.
Leaning on your ego to gain some confidence during a tough spell is understandable. Rehashing your past achievements to prop yourself up and remind you of your potential is something I recommend. Doing this to reinforce your superiority over others, I do not recommend.
To tame your ego, you must first recognise when it is working against you. Identify areas in your life where your ego is ruling you. It could be your mortgage payment that you can’t really afford. It could be your credit card bill that keeps going up because of all the unnecessary things you buy to chase a certain status. Or it could be the fact that you don’t ever think you are wrong in any situation.
Ask yourself whether your ego is hindering your growth as a person. Ask yourself whether your ego is hurting your relationships.
Ego has its place, it is natural, but it should be minimised if the aim is to live a satisfying existence. Letting it run wild is to not water your crops yet complain of a measly harvest. The ego is delicate and needs to be tended to regularly or else it can consume us.
If you enjoyed my writing, consider buying me a cup of coffee here.
Every little donation helps to keep the newsletter going and would be deeply appreciated.
An enlightening discussion, Harun. As Ryan Holiday will say, ego is indeed the enemy. It cannot be totally subdued; it's best managed.
This is a well-written article about the negative aspects of ego.
I particularly liked the point about how ego can hinder our ability to learn and grow. The quote about Emerson's Self Reliance is interesting - it's important to have confidence in your own ideas, but not to the point of arrogance.
It's a good reminder to keep our egos in check!